The Big C has now invaded my life

Well, I know have a new battle to deal with. A certain family member of mine has been sick with what they originally thought was a thought infection. This member has been to the er twice in the last two weeks. Well now the Xrays were faxed to this nameless family member's primary care doctor, who referred him to a throat specialist immediately. The special st called yesterday and said to bring this person in asap. (This member asked me not to post who they are on my blog so I am respecting their wishes). I mentioned that I would not be able to pay the copay until Friday. They said don't worry about money, just get "person" into office. They are willing to work out payment arrangements. According to the X-Rays there is some type of growth on his throat that is interfering with his/her ability to eat. I am going to wager a biopsy is the next step. Why did this befall my household? I am scared to death. That is why I haven't been commenting and writing as often as usual, between work and this new situation. Trying to be strong and get myself prepared for whatever news I might hear this afternoon. So please everyone, keep my family in your prayers. I will update tonight. Thanks for everyone who is supportive of my little rantings and online babbling.. It keeps me sane.

Am ramblings

I wonder what today will bring? Joy, happiness and peace, or stress, angst and misery. The daily coin toss. I believe that my mindset has alot of control, but in the casino of life, you can be smokin' hot one day or crapped out the next. I really hope the next few weeks the dice are blazing and my roll is SWEET. Don't mean to compare my life to a Vegas casino, but that is how it feels. Just when I get on a damn roll, they switch dealers at the table and The Widow-Maker arrives. I shit you not. That is the roller coaster called my life. Lately I am learning to hedge my bets, and be thankful when I break even or remotely close. There is always the option of going postal when my mind fragments, but I am too much of a pacifist by nature. Plus, I don't think I really know how to shoot a gun, so that rules that bright idea out. When all else fails, I just drink an assload of coffee until my head rings crystal clear. Caffeine and I have quite a splendid relationship. Nothing happens in this house until I ingest my first cup of java. My family knows it and God Bless 'em, they have learned to deal with it. I can feel the black brew burning into the pit of my stomach and the clearing of my mind is starting now as I type. Maybe it is going to be a good day after all. Hail the aribica bean!!! That magic bean is the only reason I am going to be able to get into my magic bus and go to work. Have a great day. May the cards fall correctly today.

Georgia in the sunny am

How can you see these photos and not believe in some sort of Creator?

Simple Times = Peace of Mind

It's amazing what a day off can do for the mind, body and soul. I am now refreshed and energized to conquer another week of waiting on the carnivorous southern steak eaters. I took my dog out on our little boat yesterday. I often wonder what goes on in the canine mind. We were in the middle of the lake and I saw my dog absorbing all the sights and sounds, just like a young toddler. He is now my new captain on the lake. The most wonderful thing to me, after much contemplation, is that after all these years of chasing chaos and excitement, that I have finally learned how to appreciate and value simple joy. Sitting in a boat with my dog. Those are the moments where my mind relaxes and the clarity I seek is within reach. I know my little writings and thoughts can't change what is happening today in our country. The fraud, the cheating, the lack of care for middle Americans. I can, however, change how I deal with the intense feelings I have regarding the current state of affairs. Sometimes I just want to go to the White House and knock on the door and ask to speak to someone, anyone who is in charge. That's how you handle problems in your local neighborhood. I want explanations. I want to know why. I want someone to sit me down over a cup of coffee in the oval office and tell me the damn truth. Flight of fancy, I know. Never happen. The anger I feel for my children who aren't going to be afforded the same opportunities as I had or my parents had is a powerful thing. The key, for me, I am learning, is not to let it ruin my peace of mind or break my spirit. I am very patriotic. The American Flag hangs from my balcony and I watch it sway in the wind all day. I had to leave a city that I loved at one time. Now I am making my way in a new state and the pieces are gradually all landing where they need to. So when I watch the news and listen to utter bullshit, I look at my dog and I get in my little canoe and we pretend we don't care as we float around in the gentle waters. My dog has the security of knowing that he has a pack leader in this house who will feed him, nurture him, take care of his medical needs etc. He is a confident dog due to that fact. I have learned more life lessons from being a dog owner as of late than I could have dreamed. I hope that this country's "pack leader" does the same for the citizens of the United States, that I do for my dog. Have a great day one and all

Great minds still exist everywhere

Haven't had much time to post. I now work 6 shifts a week, which although tiring, is a blessing. So now I sit, perusing the blogs I read daily and enjoy. I am starting to think there is a link between minds on this planet. The thinkers, the writers, artists and so on. I see it as I travel this world via the ethernet. The most pleasurable people I have met aren't the ones who reside in the ivory towers. They are not "fabulous" or incredibly wealthy. The people I enjoy the most are the ones who take the time to put their thoughts and opinions out here for us to read and ponder. People who are not consumed with self, but concerned with the greater good. People who express their frustrations with the world that we all must live in together. It re-enforces to me that people still care. I sit here and click from blog to blog and I see an underground community of human beings who reach out with words from their keyboards. Reading has always given me pleasure. Reading the bloggers of the world has become quite the past time for me. That is where the hope is for me. Seeing other people just like you and me, not willing to accept the status quo, not buying the bullshit we are spoon-fed, that is the hope that drives me to get up everyday and try. To everyone who writes and shares their opinions on the beautiful internet, thank you.

I love slang

I was raised in a house where proper English was a must. The word "ain't" simply was not allowed. Since becoming an adult, I realize that slang is important. It defines cultures, people, the young and old. I am of the generation where I still say "What's up my brother?" Remnants of the peace and love generation. My son loves that ghetto slang, although he is improving. I have now learned some new slang. It is a cross between ghetto and hillbilly. I can't understand a damn word my one neighbor's son says. He is white, speaks black with a hint of latino thrown in, and speaks so fucking fast I just nod my head. He calls his girl mama, his friends cuz, and after he guzzles a few beers a conversation is not possible. We were cooking ribs on the grill tonight and he sauntered over to say "Howdy" and chat. He is a baggy pants wearer, the difference is he wears flip flops with his baggy pants. That would be unthinkable in Baltimore. The word "tote" is used instead of carry here. "I gotta tote that damn thing from here to there". Yonder is also used quite frequently. I am slowly getting the hang of it. I still say hello. I am not a Howdy kind of girl. However I have gradually learned that people are taking me at face value and have been friendly and welcoming. I just hope my son doesn't start wearing flip flops and saying "cuz".

Get out while you can....

Good news all. The brothe in law signed his lease yesterday and moved in to his new place. His wife is coming down on May 3rd. The Yankee invasion is starting,lol. Rick's new landlord is letting him live there for this month free to fix up and paint etc. I enjoy his company but it was time for him to go. I now can walk around my house dressed any damn way I want. I can write without being interuppted. Sounds like such petty little things, but after two and a half weeks, my nerves were starting to get brittle. They found a 3 bedroom rancher with a carport for $500 a month. I could not imagine moving back north and having to pay the astronmical rent and mortgages. Plus, you are not even paying to live in a safe neighborhood for those sky high prices. Mr. Walking Man, this is directed to you. When and if you and your wife can find an opportunity to leave the urban area which rings with gunshots and crack dealers, winos etc., GO. You gave me alot of encouragement and now I am sending you some back to Detroit. It is nice to go to sleep and not worry if our front door is locked. Our alarm system consists of Auggie barking. Peace of mind is priceless.