Sep 24, 2009

Thinking about you....

I knew you,
and you me.
The recklessness of youth,
swimming naked in the still of the night under the moonlight.
Trying not to splash or make a sound.
Those were the days when your testosterone ran rampant.
I learned what it meant to be a woman, in all ways.
The lavender carpet in our first house.
The nice, heavy drapes from Sears.
I remember as your six pack melted away with my cooking.
You realize I never cared.
I remember you Fred Flintsone feet.
I loved those thick toes of yours.
I remember how hard Jesse tried to emulate everything you did.
You were his hero.
I believe you still are.
We are alone.
I am scared.
The photo of us I carry in my wallet.
Yeah, I talk to you.
Do you hear me?
I am fighting the powers that be on your behalf.
Out of love.
You deserved so much better than what you got.
I miss giving you a bath, with your manly body wash.
Trying to cheer you up, and give you the dignity of smelling fresh.
Shaving your face and bristly beard.
In your sickness I wanted you to have comfort and pride.
I have so many photos that reflect "us".
I shall choose to keep those in my eyesight.
To move forward.
For you, for Jesse and for me.
I just wish the ache will ease.
The price of loving you for so many years
is the cost of missing you.


Whitemist said...

Oh Lori! it is still very fresh, time will fade the pain, but not the love.

Lori said...

Whitemist- I know you have had quite the health scare and are still coping. Cancer is a motherf$%er. It took a 200lb man and left him weighing 149lbs.. I believe in what you wrote, it just still feels so fresh at times. A movie, song etc. Even a certain look from my son. That is now the bond that has united us, our grief. Thank you for your kind words. I hope that you too, heal.

the walking man said...

You'll work it out kiddo. Just know you're not in the world alone.

Lori said...

Knowing that you are now alone is what makes such a huge difference. I think that is the part of blogging I like best. Seeing the world through others eyes. As broke as I am I gave away half the stuff that I have to this family next door that has even less. There is always a reminder to count your blessings.