I knew you,
and you me.
The recklessness of youth,
swimming naked in the still of the night under the moonlight.
Trying not to splash or make a sound.
Those were the days when your testosterone ran rampant.
I learned what it meant to be a woman, in all ways.
The lavender carpet in our first house.
The nice, heavy drapes from Sears.
I remember as your six pack melted away with my cooking.
You realize I never cared.
I remember you Fred Flintsone feet.
I loved those thick toes of yours.
I remember how hard Jesse tried to emulate everything you did.
You were his hero.
I believe you still are.
We are alone.
I am scared.
The photo of us I carry in my wallet.
Yeah, I talk to you.
Do you hear me?
I am fighting the powers that be on your behalf.
Out of love.
You deserved so much better than what you got.
I miss giving you a bath, with your manly body wash.
Trying to cheer you up, and give you the dignity of smelling fresh.
Shaving your face and bristly beard.
In your sickness I wanted you to have comfort and pride.
I have so many photos that reflect "us".
I shall choose to keep those in my eyesight.
To move forward.
For you, for Jesse and for me.
I just wish the ache will ease.
The price of loving you for so many years
is the cost of missing you.
4 comments:
Oh Lori! it is still very fresh, time will fade the pain, but not the love.
Whitemist- I know you have had quite the health scare and are still coping. Cancer is a motherf$%er. It took a 200lb man and left him weighing 149lbs.. I believe in what you wrote, it just still feels so fresh at times. A movie, song etc. Even a certain look from my son. That is now the bond that has united us, our grief. Thank you for your kind words. I hope that you too, heal.
You'll work it out kiddo. Just know you're not in the world alone.
Knowing that you are now alone is what makes such a huge difference. I think that is the part of blogging I like best. Seeing the world through others eyes. As broke as I am I gave away half the stuff that I have to this family next door that has even less. There is always a reminder to count your blessings.
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