Oct 10, 2009

Tired

I have a new expression. I AM DONE. I have learned that sometimes family is the worst when it comes to sucking you dry. (not speaking of Baggy Pants)..This move broke me financially and starting next week I will be working two jobs. So if you have any more crap to add to my already overflowing plate, please stay away. When my husband died my income dropped by almost $1800.00. So please don't sing any blues to me about needing money etc. I DON'T HAVE IT. I am tired and my brain hurts. The juggling never ceases. My kid and I are eating peanut butter sandwiches and hot dogs. I bring dinner home from work and that is our good meal. I don't know what the hell happened to this country but it did. This is not the same land I grew up in. Everyone I see looks as tired as I am. I am struggling to find joy in my life and I am an optimist. It is getting harder to see because my eyes hurt. From tears and weariness. I am only 42. I wasn't supposed to be a widow. I was supposed to be sitting on a porch in Ga. with my husband with our dog. That plan changed way too quick for me to even comprehend. Sorry for the downbeat mode of my post today, but I have good days and bad days. I am going to try to make today a good one, I don't know how, but I shall try. These feelings just come over me and they wash over me like a summer rainstorm. I have to get ready for my 8am Saturday employee meeting. The thrills never stop. Say a prayer, light a candle for all the people who wake up and have to deal with this thing called living. We all need it. Peace...(Don't worry, I am not ready for the Reverend Jim Jones solution of cyanide Kool-Aid)

6 comments:

butterflies said...

America is a hard country.
I married an American and when he was diagnosed with cancer he got fired..then he had no insurance.
Then he had to suffer the indignity of trying to find a doc who would sign a form for SSD saying that he would die within 12 mths.
Then he found out that there is no widows benefit there.
So he bought me home before he got too sick.
In NZ we have a widows benefit to help out..you can work if you want to but it provides a buffer for the grieving period.
If you get sick and are unable to work you get a sickness benefit.
Hospitals are free,docs are $40 a visit..
We pay high tax to pay for it all but no-one is destitute or sleeping on the streets and there are no beggars.
I love America but it needs to be more socialist and for the ppl.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow!!

Whitemist said...

I completely understand every feeling, every issue you bring up. I feel for you and the very least I can do for you is to light a candle and pray for you.
The bad days do pass and become fewer. The good days will increase. I just hope that the country lets us....

Lori said...

Butterflies- The bad moments pass. They usually hit in the early am. when all is quiet and I have too much time to think. You are blessed to live somewhere that the people are taken care of and the poverty isn't so blatant. I have a few friends who live across the globe and they all say how different it is with medicine, housing etc. Maybe oneday we will all stop being so greedy, but I doubt it. Thanks for your kind words, as always.

Whitemist- Thank you. I am feeling better now. I have moments. I savor ever bit of happiness when it comes my way. As the direction of this country, I am very scared. What is in store for the next generation? When are "the people" going to take the blinders off? I hope you are doing well. Thanks for your support and encouragment.

Lori said...

Butterflies- The bad moments pass. They usually hit in the early am. when all is quiet and I have too much time to think. You are blessed to live somewhere that the people are taken care of and the poverty isn't so blatant. I have a few friends who live across the globe and they all say how different it is with medicine, housing etc. Maybe oneday we will all stop being so greedy, but I doubt it. Thanks for your kind words, as always.

Whitemist- Thank you. I am feeling better now. I have moments. I savor ever bit of happiness when it comes my way. As the direction of this country, I am very scared. What is in store for the next generation? When are "the people" going to take the blinders off? I hope you are doing well. Thanks for your support and encouragment.

the walking man said...

So uhhh I suppose this is not the right time to ask for a few bucks so I can buy a steak eh?

Fuck 'em Lori, they really ain't family if they have no care or caution for you and BP's situation now are they?

Lori said...

Mark- Your lucky I appreciate a smartass. Steak??? What's that?