Memory Lane

One of my favorite childhood memories, before the parents hated each other etc, was when I was about 6 or 7 was on Saturday's my mom and dad would take me out antiquing", that's what we called it..Around 10am or so, we would get in the car and drive out to the country and go to these little out of the way places looking for treasures. My mother's treasures consisted of finding a piece of furniture that had refinishing potential. My dad's goodies were usually something a little off the wall, his best find was an old pie safe. My mom hated it, which made my dad love it even more. My thing was old books, comics, and little knick-knacks. I got my first comic book at one of those antique stores. That is how I acquired my Nancy Drew book collection. I got The Diary of Ann Frank at an antique store, and because the book was so old and tattered and musty, and cost 5 cents, when I read it I secretly daydreamed that maybe it was really HER diary. I was an avid reader as a child. The best gift my parents ever gave me were probably those Saturdays, and the love of books. Those old haunts won hands down over The Smithsonian trips. Although the Air and Space museum was cool, it couldn't compete with going thru stacks of old books to find the 3 that I was allowed to purchase. The ending highlight was stopping at one of those side of the road produce spots. Silver Queen corn, peaches, and Dad's favorite, cherries; he spat the pits out as we drove home. Alas, my parents divorced when I was 13, my mom gladly gave him his pie safe when he moved out and my father is deceased. I still have my Saturday mornings tucked away in my memories and God, do I love peaches and cherries.

It's the first of the month, cash your check and get up!!!

Well for all you fellow SSI/SSDer's out there, this is the day you get your monthly allotment. Sitting here juggling the bills to try and make it last thru out the month..Hahahaha...The poor mailman must dread delivering mail on this day. People are posted up at their mailbox anticipating a couple dollars in their pocket. I heard Mr. Bush is generous enough to send out another stimulus check right before December. What a guy!!!! The wealthy oilman dishing out money to the poverty stricken people. We went out for coffee the other morning and just listening to people in this dingy little shop, complaining about their lack of living money, just for simple necessities, is heartbreaking. I wish I had a tremendous pile of large bills..I would make it rain money in the poorest neighborhoods. Alas, let a girl daydream..I don't see that happening anytime soon. Kenny and I are arguing over who has the better legs (mine rock) just in case one of us has to get some glass heels and learn how to swing on that pole...Have a great day...

The Panhandler

I have two children. One is 23 and the other is 18. My eldest son suffers from heroin addiction. He has chosen to panhandle for a living. Last week he asked me to go for a ride with him. I love him, but I have walked in his shoes many years ago. I know the pain, the whole damn journey that lies ahead for him. He said "Come on mom, go with me and my girlfriend out for awhile". So we are driving and he pulls off at a rest-stop. Said "Mom, I'll be right back". I sit in the car with his 100lb girlfriend who does Suduko puzzles non-stop. He comes back to the car 15 minutes later and tells me we are going out to lunch. After we leave the rest-stop he pulls out $175. I asked him where did he get the money. He proceeds to tell me that he does this everyday. He drives to rest-stops, pulls out his old military ID, and tells everyone he is stranded and needs to get back to his base. I was dumbfounded. I told him that if he gets caught this is a Federal offense, as he was only in the service for 4 months, and that morally it is wrong. His addiction doesn't understand or care about my argument. I am watching my firstborn kill himself. I am also looking in an old mirror. I was a heroin addict at 23. I walked in his shoes. Yet, when I plead with him, beg him, cry...he tells me.."I got this"..His first treatment appointment is in two weeks. He is not allowed in my home, he steals...so I have to go sit in his girl's car if he wants to visit or we go for a ride. I hate whatever genetics played a part in my one child's suffering. Is addiction genetic? I just know what I see with my own two green eyes. It is painful. The child that was soooo smart, precocious, is now panhandling to feed his need. This is the child that I took to pet the cows when he was little..he is now sticking needles in his arm at every opportunity. Afraid of a sickness that will pass, it will be painful, but it does pass. His youth and the feeling that he is infallible is blinding him to help. How do you impart your experience and wisdom to someone that is choosing deafness?

Loving you

Living in the moment. I look at my other half. His salt and pepper (mostly salt) hair, his belly hanging over his pants, his laughter at a stupid game show. I love this man. 18+ years now. Sometimes I just gaze and think about how much time has passed, and how the hell did we make it this long. I believe that after spending so much time with another person your spirits become entwined. He knows when I am not happy just by a look on my face. I gave up trying to lie to him years ago, he reads me all too well. Damn...The daily hustle and bustle can sometimes be overwhelming and we forget to tell each other just how important we are to one another. I need to check myself, and make a point of letting him know, that thru all the daily bullshit, he is till the man, my man, and that I wouldn't trade him for another human on this planet. Sometimes you need to hear it, words can be comforting. How many of us have been in long term relationships, and start taking one another for granted, unintentionally? It just seems to happen. People need to know they are loved. So my post today is about telling someone important to you that, yes indeed, I love you and you are my world. Actions do speak louder than words, but words are nice also...Have a blessed day...

Crawling on the floor to you...

I was perusing some blogs and found myself reading quite a few "stripper blogs"...I found most of them to be rather intelligent and financially secure women. They bring up the point how tired they are of hearing how they are degraded for their body. They just look at their bodies as a marketable asset. I think it comes down to choice. If you are self-employed what do you want to sell? Most of us have a perception of strippers as drugged out abused women. I have found that not to be true in all cases. Drugged out and abused women exist in all forms of life. Not just the stripper world. Many of the strippers write in their blogs that they feel they are the ones who get over, as they are the ones leaving with pockets full of money and the men leave broke. Who is right? Or is their a right answer? The great thing about living in the good old USA is that you can do pretty much you want for a living, (as long as you pay Uncle Sam) the freedom of choice. So if you choose to shimmy on a pole and walk out of a club with $500 or so, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Isn't everything we do in life a form of a hustle? To me serving food is a hustle, I am nice to you, bring you your meal, and you pay me. Immediate gratification and the anticipation of not knowing what the final tally for the night will be. These days I think everyone is a hustler of some type or another. Whether you hustle your words, your wares, or your body, in the end we are all just trying to make it to the next day.

Watching bad tv today

I found myself watching VH1 today and it was a countdown of the top 20 or 40 (I forget) best fights on reality tv. Yes, I found myself watching the whole damn thing. I noticed that quite a few of these celebrities (?) are on different shows, sort of interchangeable. The one show that tickled my funny bone the most was the Flavor of Love Show. These women were actually fighting over this man!!!! I am sure he is a rather nice fellow, but come the f*(ck on, hardly worth all the drama and bickering that ensued to hold us viewers enthralled. I guess it is the rubbernecking or watching a trainwreck syndrome. Just gotta stop and peek..I am a self-admitted tv snob who tries to watch documentaries, good movies, and nature shows. Yet, I do have this secret guilty pleasure of junk tv..I wait til Kenny takes his afternoon nap, and I grab the remote, (not an easy task to take a man's remote I will have you know) and find the trashiest crap there is and indulge. I do personally like watching TMZ at night. They state the obvious with a very decent sense of humor. Well, now you know about my secret vice.. Trust me, it's alot healthier than some of the vices I had in my younger days....

Stop and smell the roses today...

Missing Florida Girl?

Sorry I haven't been writing that much, alot on my plate these days. The story in Florida really has captured my attention. It is about the missing 2 year old girl, who's mother is being jailed right now for obstruction of justice. The little girl is adorable. From what I have read, I believe the mother knows who has the child. I just wonder if keeping her jailed is helping. I think her mother and her attorney both believe if they could just sit down and talk with her, they will have a better chance of locating the missing girl. The grandmother did what she thought was right and called authorities, which promptly jailed her daughter. I do think it is odd that the mother didn't report the child missing for 5 weeks. My gut feeling says she is afraid of something or someone. My husband believes she is protecting a person or maybe her child. The mother is only 22. I would like to know what you think. What is the correct way to handle this situation? Should the mother be jailed? Do you think the child is still alive? Feedback would be appreciated...I hate missing children stories and this one just really struck a chord with me.