Why I moved...

I just broke down and bought a digital camera and must admit, having quite a good time with it. This picture is from my bedroom balcony. Everyone morning when I wake up and open my curtains, I thank God that I was able to escape the dreariness of urban living, for true peace and tranquility. I found the lake works better than any psychotropic meds, ie lithium, Effexor and all the other ones that are supposed to make you feel balanced and happy. Years ago I was diagnosed as bi-polar. I haven't had to take any of those "wonderful" meds with their god-awful side-effects in almost two years now. When the stress builds up and I feel manic or anxious, I take a lawn chair and lay down on the pier and that seems to work quite well. Solitude and sunshine are great healers for the soul and mind. Gone are the assorted pill bottles for my mental health. The lake works better and there is no co-pay to bask in bucolic beauty.

I've been converted- A3

Forty days you've been tired and tempted,
Forty nights you've been out in the cold,
Every phoneline conversation's been intercepted,
And you can't reconnect 'cos the frequency is closed.

So many miles you've been out of direction,
So many signs but you ain't got nowhere to go.
Your cadillac's got it's lights disconnected,
Rolling your wheels down the wrong side of the road.

Can you see them now
Can you see them now
Can you see the sisters swinging?

Let's go back to church,
Let's go back to church,
So damn long since we sung the song,
Let's go back to church.

Let's go back to church,
Let's go back to church,
Anyday now, anyway anyhow,
Let's go back to church.

You drank the wine but it tastes like water.
You broke the bread but it had turned to stone.
Your sacrement it lay scattered on the pavement
The covenants you kept have all been stolen and sold.

But you can see them now
You can see them now
You can see the sisters swinging.
You can hear them now
You can hear them now
You can hear the brothers singing

The power of the umbilical cord

Talk about ties that bind. When does parenting stop? I think my belly button still aches at times. I feel the cord pull everytime Baggy Pants steps away. I wanna reel him in, just like one of our bass at the lake. I do believe being a parent never ceases. I am a rather intense person, which irritates my kid to no end. Maybe one day when he is blessed with his own brood, he will get it. The scary part is that I am 42 and just starting to grow up and become a proper functioning adult. He is only 19. I do believe I have much more pain and angst to look forward too. Hopefully there will be some joy sprinkled in the mix.

Ketchup on steak?

Sorry everyone. This is one of my pet peeves. When you go out to eat a top grade cut of meat that is cooked to perfection, why on earth would you smother it with ketchup? Why? I equate that to steak rape. I use A-1 on occasion, but the best cuts of steak usually just need a knife and fork. My last table of the night ordered about $145 worth of food and I watched everyone of them smother these sexy, delicious steaks with KETCHUP. YOu might as well piss on a Prime Rib. I am a bit of a food snob. When you work hard and go out to eat, and are getting a fabulous meal, it just is heartbreaking to watch people who don't know how to appreciate the food setting before them. Everythng in the world doesn't need a dipping sauce people. The best food is cooked properly and especially meat, tastes best when you taste the flavor of the grill. Yes, this is pretty inane post, but it is just something that irritates me to no end. I also learned that the ketchup folks, not all, but quite a few, tip you the price of a bottle of cheap ketchup. Please folks, give the steak a chance. Don't kill it with tomato sauce. I don't ask much in life.

Insomnia

I have been up since midnight. Sleep is just evading me. I even took a Xanax and still can't sleep. It figures that I have to work early tomorrow. Thankfully it is a short 3 hour shift. There are periods I go through where my mind becomes so burdened with "stuff", that is actually makes my head throb. Have you ever felt like a sponge that absorbs everything? If I was just dealing with my own thoughts and problems that is one thing, but than when other people's junk starts to invade my mind, it simply is too much. I usually count backwards from 100 as a first measure. Next step is to meditate. Alas, I am at step three. Got out of the bed, brewed the coffee and am just going to start my day now. Does anyone out in cyberworld have any tips or stories of what you do on nights like these? Nights when you toss and turn and all the worries that lay upon your shoulders throughout the day, fill your mind at night. I prefer to sit here that watch mindless infomercials. I don't believe that I can make $9,000 a week selling real estate if I just spend $99 for some selling technique DVDS. I don't want to mail my gold jewelery in for cash. That seems to be the gist of late night/early morning tv. The people who allow those to be televised should suffer. Good night or Good morning!

The past does come back to pee on the present

My brother-in-law got his heart broke yesterday. I hooked him up with the manager of a local chain here, similar to 7-11's. They are called Flash Foods. He got called for the interview, got pumped up by the manager about the benefits, ready to set up his direct deposit, etc. Than he said, "Oh yeah, just sign this form".. The form was a criminal background check. Rick mentioned he had a few things from his past, and the whole interview changed. He said he would see what he could do, but this particular chain is corporate owned and operated and he told Rick they are very strict. Rick was no saint up until the last 4 years ago. Prison time etc. He came home so crestfallen and dis-heartened. He is getting ready to back to Baltimore probably Friday. He wants to work. It made me realize two things. 1- How lucky I am that someone took a chance on me. 2- What do convicted felons and others who have been in the "system" for something small do? Upon their release they have the best intentions, but most people get tired of doors getting slammed in their face. So I think I am starting to understand prison recidivism alot better. How many no's can one person take. I know, best intentions only get you so far. What about the man who has truly changed his ways. Now that we live in the era of computers, with one click they can find out your whole life story. People do get judged on their track record. Your criminal history, just on paper, shows your character. They don't know what was happening in your life at that time in your life when you made certain bad choices. Not making exscuses, but sometimes it is just one case of bad judgement. Technically, once you serve your time, you have paid your debt to society. Yes, there was a time when I was wacked out of my mind and actually got checked into a mental health facility. They gave me Lithium and a bunch of other pills that I no longer take, and deemed me much better. This was in '96. I was one of those lucky folks who had a breakdown. I made many bad choices during that time. It is now 2009 and I have changed tremendously. Some of us grow up later than others. We learn to get a grip on our demons. Rick is serious about working. He doesn't want to live on unemployment. He wants to work. No one will hire him. Most of his record consists of theft. Not good. Society seems to more forgiving for the Dui's and domestic violence charges. Not theft. So it seems he shall be packing up by the end of the week. I do want him to get his own place, but I know he and his wife can no longer afford where they currently reside. The rent is so cheap down here. I just saw his face yesterday when he came home from that interview. We really thought he had that job. Lesson- Your past does come back to haunt you.

Hope comes in many forms...

Last night I had the pleasure of waiting on 20 or so ladies over 40 from a local church. They were so pleasant and delightful. They decorated the little dining room, and brought in a tape of Irish jig music. They came from one of our many Baptist churches. I watched these ladies have a mini-bible study and they were talking about sisterhood and fellowship amongst your community. They were smiling, laughing and I just felt that they were innately happy human beings. I was on the clock so of course I turned the charm on. I had a great time. It wasn't about the tip. When I see people who have spirit and joy it is infectious. After being deluged daily with news reports of negativity and doom and gloom, for two hours last night, I realized there is small pieces of hope in our little world, just by watching some ladies put on hats and do a jig.