Oct 8, 2009

My son






Imagine sharing a large basement apartment with your 19 year old son. OH the joy. Thankfully we compromise. He is actually a pretty reasonable kid. In my imaginary mind he is the next Bill Gates. God parental pride is sickening. He is a trooper. This has been the worst year of our life. Absofuckinglutley...Yet, he gives me encouragement. When I screw up he is the first to tell me. He is a brutally honest person. He is going to kill me for posting this, but the dog, he and I still lay in bed and talk. Those are my treasured moments. I know how much he misses his dad. If I could erase his pain, I would turn into a human eraser. For many other mistakes as well. When does the parental guilt go away? I wish I was a June Cleaver type. Sadly, it just didn't work out that way. His father was his rock. I was more flighty. Kenny had me by 10 years in age and maturity. I remember being jealous that he would share secrets with him and not me. He told me I talk to much. He is right, lol. I am now glad they have those secrets that they shared. They are his personal treasures. We still cry together and than we laugh. We are going to make it. If I have to work 3 jobs I will. That boy will go to college. He does tech support for everyone and their brother. He gets paid by his friends to build them computers from scratch. He just needs those documents that life requires. I am now learning about college loans etc. Another mire of paperwork. I shall wade through it. My son. He will not just survive. He will thrive. I love you boy.

6 comments:

butterflies said...

What a beautiful son:)
Im glad hes there with you.

My sons wonderful too and also fixes and builds computers.
I thank God every son for my boys xxx

the walking man said...

Have you looked into survivors benefits from social security or do they end at 18?

Hey Kid! What up?

Lori said...

Butterflies- The love you have for a child can be amazing. These kids with their computer knowledge is amazing. He is my personal on hand tech help. I thank God too.

WM- I just had J call SSI.. They are sending him paperwork. Surprise? When Kenny died June 1 J was receiving dependent benefits. They stopped in July. I got two conflicting letters. J says he doesn't want to live on handouts from the government. I said it's not a hand out it is a hand up. I do have an awesome lawyer working on suing the crap outta the VA. The case is good.. It took 5 months just for the congressman to get the results of the inquest. They know they screwed up. I am not a fan of lawyers unless needed. I told him it wasn't about the money. The lawyer said in this day and age that is how you teach someone not to repeat a mistake. So I thought about it, and yeah, I sold out. I am going after them for the money for my child. J does read your blog from time to time btw. The boy has gotten his good taste from his mother, lol. Kenny used to read you to.

Lori said...

Butterflies- The love you have for a child can be amazing. These kids with their computer knowledge is amazing. He is my personal on hand tech help. I thank God too.

WM- I just had J call SSI.. They are sending him paperwork. Surprise? When Kenny died June 1 J was receiving dependent benefits. They stopped in July. I got two conflicting letters. J says he doesn't want to live on handouts from the government. I said it's not a hand out it is a hand up. I do have an awesome lawyer working on suing the crap outta the VA. The case is good.. It took 5 months just for the congressman to get the results of the inquest. They know they screwed up. I am not a fan of lawyers unless needed. I told him it wasn't about the money. The lawyer said in this day and age that is how you teach someone not to repeat a mistake. So I thought about it, and yeah, I sold out. I am going after them for the money for my child. J does read your blog from time to time btw. The boy has gotten his good taste from his mother, lol. Kenny used to read you to.

the walking man said...

Educational benefits and SS benefits are not a freekin handout Jesse. They are an insurance payment for premiums paid through a lifetimes worth of employment.

An entitlement program is a hand out.
An entitlement program...ohh let's see.... like say TARP.

You have no taste kid if you read my blog but welcome anyway. {;-p}

Lori it is not selling out out to be financially compensated for the tragic loss of a loved one that could have been prevented but wasn't. Malpractice is when you enter into a facility and they harm you and make you worse off than when you went in.

I never meant to imply anything other than that...bight the big dog...not that they will feel it. It's only money to them, it does not change the power equation at all, that takes laws and the enforcement of those laws. Sadly the laws are already on the books but not enforced.

Lori said...

Mark,

When my husband died, I lost two incomes, his, and Jesse lost his, also due to him turing 19. I will get his widows benefits when I turn 60,or if I apply for SSD at 50. I got one letter saying Jesse was entitled to an increase in his benefits and another saying they were terminated. Yeah, I do want to bite the big dog. Maybe I will lose maybe not. But I will fight Mark.